Thursday, August 23, 2012

I know who I belong to

She's sleeping in a dark room with nothing else but a wooden chair and a grandfather clock. The only way into the room is to walk in through the room next door, there is only one small hole at the corner. But you got to be as small as a cat to crow in through that "window". It is the only source of light and ventilation.

"dong~ dong~ dong~ dong~ dong~" she opens up her eyes looking at the grandfather clock. "is been 2 hours" she thought to herself. Wondering how she missed the first hour's bell. Maybe she 's too tired, or maybe she is just sick of everything that is happening. "how long will they argue over it?" she wonders. 

"I've said she belong to me!" another shouting match going on in the room next door. 

She wonder why they are not tired shouting about her. Is been more than 4 hours since they started it. Massaging her own shoulder, she thought to herself, what will she do if she is given the freedom to decide. She don't really have the freedom since young, they've been arguing and deciding for her every single thing of her life, and she is getting sick of it. She thinks to herself, "for once, for once I would like to do it my way."

Sometimes waking up in the morning, she hate the person she sees in the mirror. "this is not who I want to be" she often mumble to herself. But she is well trained, very well trained to keep silent and just follow the flow. The truth is, she really has no choice, any small changes that she make will lead to another big fight. 

"crack~ crack~" twisting her neck left and right she stare at the clock again. "Who do I really belong to?" she ask herself. Come to think of it, all these while she could have avoided all these fights if she just make this one decision. The decision that she has been trying to avoid, who will she follow? If she would just make that decision who to follow and hold on to it strongly no matter what happen she would have avoided all these fights.

How many times, she wonders to herself. "How many times have I run away with tears crying for freedom?" Memories of her running to the streets, squading at the roadsides are playing like a movie in front of her eyes. "ah!!! Countless!" she said to herself. Somehow he'll find her everytime she run away. He always appears in his black long gown. He looks elegant, but the reality is he isn't as elegant as he appeares to be. He will bring her back with promises of freedom but everytime she will be ended up in bondage. And how many times that she regretted her decision and call for help in secret when she was kept in bondage? "infinite times..." she sighted.  She thought she could be free from both, how naive she is, there is no such thing as middle path, she got to choose.

Finally she realise, nothing can be as clear as it is right now. She look at the wooden door, the gateway to all those endless fight. She thinks to herself "the decision is indeed mine". She took up all her courage, stood up from the old wooden chair that she had been sitting on for hours, and she walk to the front of the wooden door. She took a deep breath, 'knock knock'! "Can I come in?" she says.

 "Yes you may." a deep voice came from behind the door.

She opens the door, with fear pounding in her heart. She standUs there, acting to be brave when she's not. She grab his white long robe and said "stop fighting, I've decided who to follow forever. I know who I belong to."


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