Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Back to reality

If this is a dream, could someone be kind enough to splash water on my face and wake me up? But clearly I'm still in the same realm, sadly I'm not dreaming. SOT indeed ended already, 7 months fly pass quicker than the airplane flight from KL to Singapore. To me is like a blink of the eye. Things that happened, moments tha I spent with my friends, tears that I quietly wiped away in the middle of the night are still as clear as though it happened just a second ago. I got to say, even though I looked forward to come back to KL, I miss SOT already.

So many things had happened for the past 7 months. Things that I never imagined will happen, things that distracted me from my original goals. I was super ambitious! I wanted to be the best preacher or maybe win the best attendance award, but I ended up winning nothing. I wanted to go missions in the forests, those places where you need to take a boat in and go tracking in the jungle, but I ended up going to Surabaya and had a great time staying in air-conditioned hotel. I totally went off track!

No matter how well I planned, God always have a bigger and better plan for me. Maybe at the moment I don't see it, but somehow in the end He will let me understand. 

In this period of time, I've given my first offering challenge, I lead my first praise and worship, I preached my first sermon, went on my first mission trip and experienced my first healing miracle. 

Honestly speaking, I always thought I can speak very well, preaching to my mind was a piece of cake! Men! Was I wrong! I was soooo nervous in my first offering message in CG I couldn't even understand myself! My preaching tests was like a roller coaster ride, my first sermon was good, but my second till the fourth was superbly bad, but by the grace of God, my last sermon was my best! And I thank God that when I was preaching in Surabaya, He gave me a word that is consistant with the church vision, to be a mission church! 

Out of everything, the one that I afraid the most is leading worship. I wasn't assigned to do it in mock CG, but I was assign to do it in my real CG. My CG leader, Johann gave us opportunities to serve in different area in CG meetings, which includes leading worship. To me leading worship is the toughest. You got to lead the people into the presence of God. I was super nervous I almost cried when we were practicing. But thank God it was OK in the end.

I really learn that when I stop trying too hard and be lead by Him, He never fails to show up.

I wish to say that my SOT went on smoothly and I have no struggle at all. But as we all know, Christianity is not a bed of roses, it ain't easy at all. Many times I wanted to give up and go back to Malaysia, many times the thought of going back to Malaysia brings tensions into my world, many times I cried quietly in the shower, many times I pretend I was sleeping but my heart was broken. But no matter what situation I am in, no matter how I responded to those trials and tribulations, God remain faithful and He never let me walk alone. He was always there when I cried out to Him, He was always there to wipe away my tears.

7 months was not totally a sweet journey, but I learned a lot. And I know I can't live without Abba. In everything that happened, I run back to Him. And that's one of the most important thing that I learned, as long as I hold on to Him, everything will be fine.