Try

If you live under the same roof with me, you probably will get sick of this song by now. Because this is the only song that I listen to day and night and I keep on singing this song.

I first heard of this song in Facebook when my friend share it on her wall. I didn't fell in love with it that time. But thanks to some one, I'm hooked to this song.

I like this song a lot! I love how the singer was scared to commit into the relationship, he was unsure how the girl will respond. Although full of uncertainty, he decided to take a chance in this relationship and try for the girl's love. Don't you think is sweet?

Drafts e-mails

Saw that I have 81 drafts emails. I was curious, so I randomly open one and read. And it brings back memories.

My draft inbox is like my note book when I'm using other's people computer.

And during my internship period, is where I save something, MSN conversations.

I read back all that was said and heard. Things that was promised is broken now. Things that we had has faded.

I smiled, with tears rolling down from my eyes.

What more can I say? Other than, I'm sorry.

Maybe I never should have open the shell.

peek through the door

Wanted to talk about something else today but leader's meeting was longer than I thought. So I think I'll write about it tomorrow or maybe this weekend. Suddenly all my time slot is packed and I'm planning to slot more things in! I feel like something I'm going to break free! And with this thought, I was inspired to draw the bellow drawing!

I've been in this comfort, protected shell for long enough and I'm willing and starting to breakdown the wall that hinders me to go fourth. It does not guarantee success, but it guarantees adventure! And that's what I'm looking forward too!

I talked to one of my SOT friend last few nights and I ask her what are my shortcoming. And she said this: 

You see! I'm a weird mix! When I don't know that person I'm seem like a serious person and hard to get along, hide my feelings and shut the door to my world. But on the other hand, I always show people how I feel, no matter who they are! So people will often think me as hot tempered and unfriendly...  ><

With that in mind, I have this picture came into my mind and I drew it out!

Don't you think knowing someone new is like letting the person coming into your life? And you got to be careful who you let into that door! Because they might just steal something and leave you feeling empty. Or they might just break your stuff and act like nothing happen and leave. So is tough! Is not easy! And that's why I peak out of the door and not open it before I know them better.

Oh well, still more to discover about myself!

So I shall end this with a picture of my Hong watching iPad! hahahahahaha~

Who invented exams and assignments?

If you follow my Instagram, you will know that I've been studying for my Thai exam. Actually this class that I join do not have any exam, which is a good thing. But one of my classmate voluntarily ask our teacher to give us an exam. When I heard of that I was furious! Yes! Furious!!! Because to students like me (only revise hours before class because too busy all the time) is a very very difficult task. And I feel is super unfair because that guy who suggested for this is half Thai! His knowledge on Thai language is beyond beginners like me! For goodness sake, I only watched 4 Thai movies and never been to Thai before. I learn because I'm interested and I enjoy learning it. Why make this to be a nightmare la?! WHY!!!!!!! Seriously don't like this arrangement. And man! My schedule is still pack like nobody's business and I have no time to study!!!! TT I need more time~~

Because of this, I'm rethinking my plan to study for another degree. I'm interested to learn more about it, but the thought of exams and assignment just scare the soul out of me! >< I don't think I'm young enough to burn all those mid night oil again.

And speaking of this, I've send out a few e-mails regarding my interest in taking another degree to a college. I were on top of the world when they reply me, but when I read the e-mail, I could not help but wonder if they read my e-mail before replying me. Because it looks to me like they just copy and paste the whole webpage and forward it to me. >< I wanted answers for a specific question. Can you please read before you reply?  >< Isssh!!!!

Ok. I think I sound frustrated in this post, because I am! Argh!!! Need to burn off some steam and recharge. So to make this a not-so-frustrated post, let me share with you something that happened last night.

I just finished my stretching exercise, got myself a cup of water and wanted to just check on my sister and wake her up. Then I notice her bedroom door was difficult to open and long story short, I lock both of us in the room. >< And we couldn't do anything to get us out of the room. We try using pins and rulers but none of it work. We were stuck!!! And my sister acted like is not a big deal and continue chit chatting with her friends on whatsapp. ><

So I forced her to call my brother because my phone wasn't with me and thank God that when we called him, he's already on his way home! So yeah!!! And apparently this happen to my brother's door too. So we got the expert in the house to help us on this. After a few tricks with a card and some force, my brother finally rescue us out! PTL! I don't want to spend the night with my sister. LOL! So now my sister's door is like a swing door, you can just swing it open. :D easier for me to check on her! Hahaha! Btw, she's my elder sister. I need to check on her because she's having exam soon and I want to make sure she study, if not waste money only lo!

What's the key to success?

If you know what I mean.

I still remember

The last time I came back was during Chinese New Year. It wasn't a fun trip as my back was aching and most of the time I can only stand and not sit.

But this time I come back for a grater reason, for our country! To execute my obligation as a citizen and let my opinion counts for the future of this land I call home.

Honestly speaking, I looked forward to this day since the war began, things need to end for something greater to take place. And what's more greater than the peace of this land?

5/5 will take a whole other meaning from tomorrow onwards. But one remains in my heart.

God works like a Pokemon game

I don't know about you, but to me God works like Pokemon game.

Why I say that? hehehehe... This is why.

If you play Pokemon before, you will know that no matter how well you know the game, there are some "steps" that you need to do before you are allow to advance. Like getting on a boat, talk to someone or etc. So no matter how smart or how expert you think you are in the game, you need to go and "discover" something before you are allowed to advance.

And I feel God works that way, there are times we feel so lost and stuck. And only when we learn the things God want us to learn, then we will be allowed to  "advance".

And in this season of my life, God creatively talk to me about Faith. And man! I love the feeling of a message burning inside of my heart. Will share more after I digest all that it is in my mind now!

My dear Kon Kon

Wanted to write on something else. But minutes before I sit down and write, I decided to play with my beloved Kon Kon.

But one ugly truth hit me, I lost my charger for my Kon Kon. I search high and low, all over my room and I can't find it. My room is not very big, so is hard to miss it.

The last time I use Kon Kon was 1/1/2013. Yes! Was that long ago, and since then it had been sitting there collecting dust. And now, I can't even find the charger! ><

PRAY!

Happy labour day!!! I think I'm a bit late on greeting this to everyone considering the time right now, labour day is almost over. ><

If you are a Malaysian and you have a FB account, I believe you know what is going on in this country. There are so many news to read, so many information to digest for us as the people of this nation to make our choice. I'm thankful that information can be so easily accessible nowadays, to be able to read what's going on just by a click on our devices. But on top of all, we are in need of wisdom to see which is the truth and which are lies. Is so important not to blindly believe what we read, on Facebook or in the newspaper but to get the facts right. Everyone of us have the freedom to believe what we believe and support what we support.

But despite of all that, I only pray that people would not spread fear among themselves. Is important to be precaution, but is not good to spread fear and worry for nothing. Fear hold us back from doing the right thing, and the right thing must be done for the better.

I thank God for this church I'm in, in all that we do, we love our country and we intercede for it. Because we are the sons and daughters of this land, a place I call home. Pray not for own favour, but pray for the will of God to be done on earth as it is in heaven. Pray that this land will experience the work of God and God will move on our behalf. Pray that this country will be a country that uphold Godly values and have a heart of fearing God. Pray!

More to an introvert

 I always thought I'm a weird kind of extrovert, but after reading this, I realize that I'm more an introvert than a extrovert. Take a few minutes to read this and I will tell you why I say so. ^^

Finish? And you are still here? GREAT! You care about me~ TT

No. 1 Introvert is not someone that is withdrawn, but the way they gain energy!

I gain energy by spending time with myself. I recharge by having a nap or read a book or watch a movie. I enjoy ALONE time and is ESSENTIAL for me. When I feel down, I just need to get away and everything will be all right. Some people feels is weird, but this is just how I am.

No.2 They tend to see extroverts as obvious predators out to steal their sweet sweet energy juice.

There is this incident that I can never forget. It happened when I first move in with my friends and we had a steamboat dinner so that we can know each other more. One of them is an extroverts. She is always on the top of her world and "high". When I see that I withdrawn from her and reluctant to interact with her. I don't normally do that, I always wonder why I only do this to some people, now I know why.

No. 3 Interaction is just too expensive and they don't want to spend it on something annoying (read: wasteful).

Ok. This is the tricky part, I do like interaction, but I don't like to waste my time on useless conversation. For example, there are people will just look for me out of the blue and I know there is a reason behind it. So I will like them to cut the chase and straight go to the point. But somehow they just like to go round and round before hitting the main point and I hate it! But note this, this only applies to those who have no intention to build relationship with me but to get things done. IF your intention is to build relationship, you are more than welcome (provided I want it too), but if you are not, state your case and GET OUT! LOL!

No.4 It is important for introverts to feel welcome - they won't spend their precious energy on someone who doesn't want them around.

Somehow this is true. If I feel welcome, no matter what I do (even I might be just sitting there and looking around) I will still feel comfortable. If not, even if there are people talking to me, I feel awkward. Somehow in my case, I think the first few minutes is essential. I think...

No. 5 Respect personal space.

I don't like the idea of people touching me for no reason! Unless you have my permission, if not DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!

I don't mean that I do not enjoy any form of relationship or interaction with others, in fact I enjoy it very much. I enjoy hanging out with the HOLDs, going to CG and etc. Just that sometimes I prefer to have some ALONE time. That's all! And remember, silence is not a bad thing, it might just means that I'm low in juice.

I think once you are in the hamster ball of a introvert, you are IN. But if one day you just suddenly decided to go out from it, the introvert will get crazy and sad and find it even harder to let someone else in. So appreciate your introverts yo!

Be persuaded

... Reading all those posts on the wall of my FB. What happened to this place that once was safe for all of us? Why the greed of the people can just take over the welfare of others?

Selfishness is a very very very evil thing. It hurts the people around you when you are controlled by this evil spirit. You think you are doing the right thing, yet you are too blind to see the truth. You think you are doing yourself a favour, but you can't see that you are walking towards disaster!

My heart breaks, my tears flow. This place I love and I still love no matter what.

I'm desperate for a saviour who will stand up and speak the truth and take action for those who are helpless. We combined our forces but the dark has tricked the light by saying itself is light and portraying himself as the light. But we are not fools that are blind, we will not sit and just wait

I will cry out to The Lord of all nations and city to intervene in this and fight for us. Nothing is too great for Him to handle. When all seems dark, my hope remains on Him and Him only. When all seems impossible, I put my trust in Him who did, doing and will do the impossible! No matter how dark it might seem, no matter how darkness persuade me that it is impossible, I will shift my focus and say it is possible! Not because how great my faith is, but how great my God is!

Even when I came to a point where I have no strength to hold on, I said a prayer "God help my unbelieve!" and He indeed persuaded me of His greatness! Lord, show your glory!

Hotel Roomies

During our Genting trip last week, 4 of us shared a room and all of us have our own sleeping patterns. Can you relate to any of the below?

The worst bed mate you can ever have is "The King", it will be like you have no bed at all and you are forced to be "The Pity". "The Miserable" is the worst to be, because no one is causing your insomnia you just cannot get used to the environment. And the best is of course "The Pig", sleep soundly by herself and will not disturb others! Best roomie and bed mate ever!!!

Can you guess which one is me? 

Me Mo ma Mu Ki ko ka

I think my problem now is speaking out. There is a lot of emotions buried inside of me that I can't find a way to let it all out. Somehow I'm not a good communicator. The way I say things lead people to misunderstanding and I've come to a point where I just keep quiet.

But keeping my mouth shut will not solve anything, it make things worst. Because misunderstanding arise and relationship is broken. Talked to one of my friend about this, she say I must speak out, must tell people how I feel, if not I will be the miserable one. I can see why she say this, but somehow I just couldn't find the courage to do what I'm suppose to do. ><

So I kept quiet, bury the feelings down and neglect it. Then slowly it surface again and I bury it again. The cycle will repeat itself until something big happen and then I will be totally shut down from that person. Oh my~ This sounds serious. I think I really need the courage to tell them, despite what might happen. But I'm scare!!!! ><

Oh~ forgive my dilemma... I just need to do some mumbling...

Iron Man 3

I just came back from watching Iron Man 3! Thanks to Nuffnang Malaysia for giving me this opportunity to be the first few to watch this movie. Super touched when I receive your notification email last week.

To be honest, I'm not even sure if is a premier, because normally premier is like a day before the official screening, but ours are like few hours before the official screening. I only found out that when I reach the cinema today, and there I was going around telling people I will be watching a day earlier. ><

Anyway, premier or not I still enjoyed the movie. I don't really remember what Iron Man 1 was about and I totally did not watch Iron Man 2. So if I got to say, I'm not really a Iron Man fans, but still I enjoyed every second of the movie! Really! Trust me please~~

I'll say this movie is a mixture of action and comedy. Is like you will not want to close your eyes for even a second because you scare you miss something. But along with the Gan Jiong-ness/ excitement there are moments that will just make you laugh! So overall is a good and worth it movie to watch! But still, there are something that I don't really understand in the movie, maybe I missed some details. So you might want to pay attention to what is going on in the movie!

One more thing! And this is the biggy! MUST stay until the credits is over! Leave only when you see the screen turn black! And I really mean it! You will not want to miss what they've installed for you!!!

I won this 2 badges from Nuffnang by answering 3 questions about Iron Man! Thank God for my sister, because I really don't know that much about Iron Man other than he appeared in the movie "Avengers". haha

Without music...

... I'm a lifeless soul.

So I left my ear phones at home when I went back for lunch. (Yes! I go back home for lunch! Because is just a few minutes drive without jam!)

And I feel miserable! Everyday at work I will fill my world with songs and beat. But today my world is just filled with emptiness and the coldness of the office. With only the sound of the keyboard tapping and my soul dying! >< bml

After feeling sorry for myself for a few minutes, melody started coming into my mind and songs appear in my ear as if I have ear phones on! Wee~ And then I'm a happy girl again. LOL! My hard work of filling my ears with melody for the past few months pays off! YES!!!!

These are the songs I've been humming:

By the way, Jeno (刘力扬) is my new found love! Love her voice, love her style! Although she is 8 years older than me, but she still look so young!!! 

Obsess with her songs now~ My new addiction is this (but cannot hear cause no ear phone, and don't have it in my brain cause I just listen to this song today~ ><)

Oh! She look so good in her short hair!! I like!! I also want to have this hairstyle!!! So in love with her and her style right now!!! Why?! Why did I only know her now?! TT

Carrot Book

I don't remember when I get it or why I bought it. I just remember buying this book from Readz (church's book store, previously known as attributes) years ago. If I drew my first drawing the night I bought this book, then it will be at 2011/07/30. Is like one and a half years ago! OMG!!!

By the way, this is what I drew:

Is been a long way since that ugly sketch. 

For one period of time, it was my "just sketch" book. 

Then it became the "draw yourself" book.

 and for one period of time, it was my "sewing instruction" book.

I even brought this book to Singapore last year thinking that I will do some doodling, but I did none there. ><

But this book eventually came back to its calling and became my "sketch your thought" book. 

The first drawing wasn't just a random drawing, it was how I felt that time and I drew it out. And now, I doodle almost everyday. I will make it a point to draw something. 

Sometimes is my daily routine

Or the food I cook

Maybe how I feel at work

Or (my favorite) an impression in my heart.

This is my favorite of all! Somehow from that ugly sketching my doodling evolve into this. 

Is been a long and bumpy road for my little carrot book. 2 more pages and it will retire. carrot book! You served me well! Thank you!! Muacks!

I love love love the cover page! ALL GOOD THINGS START SMALL!

Travel while young

So I came across this article yesterday night before I went to bed. Basically is an article that list out the benefits of travelling young. And honestly speaking, I'm buying into it.

Because I'm that kind of curious girl. Although I'm already 2x years old but I just can't seem to settle down.

Last weekend during our Genting trip, I told my friends that I'm thinking of pursuing my studies overseas. I also thought of going some place else to explore other options. It might seem silly to just give up all that I have right now, but that's what my heart is calling out each and every day.

Some might think that I'm not being contented or thankful for what I have. No! Don't get me wrong! I'm thankful for whatever that I have right now.

But almost every morning I feel like something wanting to burst within me but yet is pressed down by the pressure of reality. And every night when I reflect my day, I see nothing and nothing at all.

I never wanted to be a person that live to live. I wanted to be a person that live to bless and be a blessing to others and also myself.

I can feel that the screaming of my heart is getting softer and softer, not because I no longer want to break free from all these but because I'm slowly giving in to pressure and losing the courage to step out and be ME. The scariest thing of all right now, is to be in this "comfort zone" and not step out.

I need someone that can see that I'm not crazy. I need someone that will look into my eyes and say is possible. I need someone that remembers and support what I'm pursuing. I need to know that I'm not alone in this. Because I ain't God, I need support and encouragement.

Most of all, I need God.

The HOLDs in Genting

I've been away for the weekend and thus no Saturday update and no weekend comic.

If you did not notice, it just mean 2 things! 1. You have yet to notice I update my blog daily and I do weekly comic/drawing/doodling blog or 2. You don't follow/read my blog. TT Either one, I'm back now! yeah!!!!

So I've been very frustrated with my weekly routine. Is like I'm reliving my life on a weekly basis and I was at the edge of going to be crazy. I wanted needed to have a break from all these and just go somewhere to take a break. And when my crazy friends (the holds) planned a trip up to Genting, I can't be more thankful to God. He knows my need! And the best thing is, I don't have to go on to a lone ranger trip (because is not safe to do that in Malaysia), but I have good companies! Really thank God for that!!

The whole trip did not started as planned and I got the chance to take a short lone ranger trip to Pandan Jaya. Although is a short journey, but it brings back a lot of memories and I kinna miss those days when is safe for me to travel alone.

4 of us (among the 9) went up first and it was a trip like never before because our car broke down! LOL

Can you see the smoke?

While waiting for the car to cool down.

Thank God me and Kerry each bought a bottle of water, if not we will have no water for the car. And FYI, the car did not over heat once, but twice! LOL! Other cars drive pass us and look at us, laughing I guess. And there is one lady some more wave to us. >< And yes, I wave back to her too! hahaha!

Have to snap some picture while waiting! 

(OMG! I cannot stop laughing thinking what happened that day! LOL)

And when we finally reach Genting, I was so relieved! And couldn't wait to go to our room and SLEEP while waiting for the others!

Snapping photo is a must!

Is a very relax yet fruitful trip. We do not have any agenda, we just went up and hang out with each other. We walked around, see people gamble, snapping photos and chit chat! It was really really fun! We also celebrated 2 of the holds birthday! And we take photograph as if we are in America's next top model. Posing here and there with our fashion guru guiding us.

Our view while we fellowship in the garden!

But I was so tired, so I went to bed early around 2 something. The others slept at 4 am. Few of them even have McD Breakfast! D:

I slept like a pig until 11 something. Pity the other 2 roomies. One cannot sleep because of the noise of the fan, the other have no space to sleep because his bed-mate was taking over the whole bed! Super inconsiderate! It was a very very wise move for us to separate the bed, if not only one of us can sleep. And it will not be me!

Because we have no agenda, we weren't rushing here and there to finish rides or shopping. Instead we went to the temple, they prayed there but I just went in like a tourist, full of curiosity. We even went see the crafting of the 8 levels of hell! My friend got scared there because one of the worker was there painting and she did not notice his existent  until he moved. She thought the statue move! Hahaha!

After that we went to strawberry farm which turn out to be more than just strawberry! They have lavender too! And I also saw passion fruit tree! OMG! I was so happy!

I just realize not all strawberry have the same shape.

This was my first time seeing lavender!

Super pretty roses! This was my last picha of the trip!

Passion fruit! begged my friend to borrow me his phone for this! 

Felt so blessed through out the trip! With all these friends, laughter and craziness! This trip will be even more perfect if I did not forget my iPhone charger! I took my iPad charger instead. >< Stupid me! I could have snapped more photos and instagram!!!! But still, it was great!!!!

Relationship is a nasty thing

The phone rang. She knew in her heart that this will be a very long call, but she also knew if she let this call slip to voice mail it will be a disaster.

"Hello?" She say. She knew in her heart that she will not hear a hippy voice from the other side of the phone. It had disappear for more than 4 months already. Although she still have this glimpse of hope, she knew, deep down she knew it was impossible.

"hu... hu..." She can only hear the breathing from the other side of the phone. She knows, it must be a teary night again.

"Have you ever thought of looking for..." She was cut off before she could finish her sentence.

"I... love...too much... to go against.... will" Although she cannot hear the full sentence of the answer, she knew exactly what was said.

How she hoped to be there for her but yet it cannot be done. It couldn't be done.

She wonder to herself, how many calls had been made before her number was dialed. 1? 2? or 10? But no one can see the situation without any prejudice. No one really fit themselves into this dirty yucky shoes. They see it from the outside, make things complicated as if is not complicated enough.

After hours of listening and comforting, the tears finally stop.

"I want to sleep now." The same old calm voice that always ends the conversation.

"Ok. Sleep tight." She said and waited the phone be hanged up.

"Haih" She sighed, wondering when will the cycle repeat itself again.

Relationship is a nasty thing, it involves two parties but only need one to end it.

Break the code yourself

So I had this very weird dream yesterday night. In fact, I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Unlike fourfeetnine, I'm not pregnant! (read this!). I did't think much about this dream, but something happened just now which reminded me of the dream.

I dreamed that I got an opportunity to work on a new garden. I wanted this new garden badly because I'm sick and tired of the current old garden. So I happily accept this opportunity and went for it. I stop working on the old garden and declare to the world on my pretty new garden. But for some unknown reasons, I felt uncomfortable in the new garden. Things didn't felt right and I don't seem to fit it and that's when I crawl back to my old garden! Yes! you read it right! I CRAWLED back! pathetic right?! Even though I'm dreaming, I also feel pathetic at that moment. ><

It seems like I'm sucked into this invisible comfort zone and I REFUSE to come out. But the thing is this old garden ain't paradise at all. The most it is to me, is to provide something temporal but essential, necessary but no future value. Others keep on telling me to be patient, work harder and the garden will bring harvest. Maybe I'm just too blind to see it.

But in whichever case, I'm afraid that I've come to a point where dreams mean nothing and passion is an outdated word. Doing things because I'm suppose to, or because I have to. Sometime persistent don't bring reward, but getting out might bring you miracles.

I want something more does not mean I'm not contented with what I have.