Drafts e-mails

Saw that I have 81 drafts emails. I was curious, so I randomly open one and read. And it brings back memories.

My draft inbox is like my note book when I'm using other's people computer.

And during my internship period, is where I save something, MSN conversations.

I read back all that was said and heard. Things that was promised is broken now. Things that we had has faded.

I smiled, with tears rolling down from my eyes.

What more can I say? Other than, I'm sorry.

Maybe I never should have open the shell.

My dear Kon Kon

Wanted to write on something else. But minutes before I sit down and write, I decided to play with my beloved Kon Kon.

But one ugly truth hit me, I lost my charger for my Kon Kon. I search high and low, all over my room and I can't find it. My room is not very big, so is hard to miss it.

The last time I use Kon Kon was 1/1/2013. Yes! Was that long ago, and since then it had been sitting there collecting dust. And now, I can't even find the charger! ><

Me Mo ma Mu Ki ko ka

I think my problem now is speaking out. There is a lot of emotions buried inside of me that I can't find a way to let it all out. Somehow I'm not a good communicator. The way I say things lead people to misunderstanding and I've come to a point where I just keep quiet.

But keeping my mouth shut will not solve anything, it make things worst. Because misunderstanding arise and relationship is broken. Talked to one of my friend about this, she say I must speak out, must tell people how I feel, if not I will be the miserable one. I can see why she say this, but somehow I just couldn't find the courage to do what I'm suppose to do. ><

So I kept quiet, bury the feelings down and neglect it. Then slowly it surface again and I bury it again. The cycle will repeat itself until something big happen and then I will be totally shut down from that person. Oh my~ This sounds serious. I think I really need the courage to tell them, despite what might happen. But I'm scare!!!! ><

Oh~ forgive my dilemma... I just need to do some mumbling...

Relationship is a nasty thing

The phone rang. She knew in her heart that this will be a very long call, but she also knew if she let this call slip to voice mail it will be a disaster.

"Hello?" She say. She knew in her heart that she will not hear a hippy voice from the other side of the phone. It had disappear for more than 4 months already. Although she still have this glimpse of hope, she knew, deep down she knew it was impossible.

"hu... hu..." She can only hear the breathing from the other side of the phone. She knows, it must be a teary night again.

"Have you ever thought of looking for..." She was cut off before she could finish her sentence.

"I... love...too much... to go against.... will" Although she cannot hear the full sentence of the answer, she knew exactly what was said.

How she hoped to be there for her but yet it cannot be done. It couldn't be done.

She wonder to herself, how many calls had been made before her number was dialed. 1? 2? or 10? But no one can see the situation without any prejudice. No one really fit themselves into this dirty yucky shoes. They see it from the outside, make things complicated as if is not complicated enough.

After hours of listening and comforting, the tears finally stop.

"I want to sleep now." The same old calm voice that always ends the conversation.

"Ok. Sleep tight." She said and waited the phone be hanged up.

"Haih" She sighed, wondering when will the cycle repeat itself again.

Relationship is a nasty thing, it involves two parties but only need one to end it.

Then she died

A surgeon came and wanted to start an operation on the patient. He perform his first cut to open the wound. Then someone called him, and he went out to meet that person. The patient was still in the operating room, not knowing what was going on. But wait a minute, she's under anesthetic so she can't feel anything. Unaware of her surroundings, she float around in her dream land, thinking everything is going to be just fine.

The surgeon came back, cut the wound a little bit wider to have a better look at the cause of the pain. This time his iPad rang, it seems like it is an email. He took his glasses, sat beside the patient and begin replying. The patient's anesthetic is losing its effect. She can slowly feel the pain, she thought it was normal, thinking that the operation is over. But wait! It hasn't!

Unaware that the patient is feeling painful already, the doctor cut even deeper and blood started to flow out. Then again, his phone rang, he wiped his hands off and leave the room again, still assuming it wasn't hurtful to that girl and the anesthetic still has its effects. But the patient is wide awake now, fully aware of the situation. She's not healed, she got even worst and is not over yet. The worst thing is the pain is killing her. She try to cry out as loud as possible, no one cares, no one heard.

Maybe the surgeon heard, but he thought she was just trying to be funny.(reaction in her dreams? How is it possible?) so she keep bleeding, blood flowing out like no body's business. Tired of screaming and crying the girl gave up, sick of the pain, sick of the pain. And when the surgeon is back, is all to late. Her heart has already dry up and then she died.

I need internet connection!!!

Is been a few days already since my internet connection on my iPad was cut off because my cousin decided to change his phone plan. Anyway, in conclusion I can no longer online with my IPad unless there is a wifi connection nearby.

I thought it would not bring much difference but boy am I wrong!!!! I will never ever take advantage of internet connection anymore. Without internet connection 24/7 and wherever I go I cannot do a lot of things! I cannot tweet whenever I want, I cannot Instagram whatever that I want, I cannot check the latest news, I cannot use iMessage whenever I want, I cannot use Line and bug my sister whenever I want and the worst thing is I cannot blog whenever I want!!! >< Owh~ My dear 3G connection~ How much I miss you~

Even though school have wifi connection, but I do not stay in school all the time. Normally I will just go back to my hostel and  study.But without 3G connection did give me more free time. I start going to the park to exercise for one hour everyday. Well, at least I've been doing this since Monday. I do HOPE I can maintain this practice!  But seriously speaking, I really do enjoy this 1 hour of quiet time everyday!

On another note, I'm going back to Malaysia in 15 days time!!! yeah!! Super excited to go back to see my hongs family. I actually called my dad on his birthday to remind him I'm going back and ask for birthday pressie from him! hahaha~ such a *ahem* daughter! XD

I saw one of my friend posting a list of present that she hope to get for her birthday. I'm thinking should I do that too?? I actually have a list in my mind already!